An additional value of knowing how to best acknowledge and validate the feelings of others is in helping ourselves when we need the same type of support. The second level of validation is accurate reflection. Accurate reflection means you summarize what you have heard from someone else or summarize your own feelings. This type of validation can be done by others in an awkward, sing-songy, artificial way that is truly irritating or by yourself in a criticizing way. When done in an authentic manner, with the intent of truly understanding the experience and not judging it, accurate reflection is validating.
Level 3 is also not applicable because she’s told her feelings clearly–nothing to guess. In DBT’s treatment manual 1, Marsha Linehan describes validation as communicating to someone that their emotions, responses, and experiences make sense. While inspiring others is crucial in promoting social change, it is equally important for individuals’ mental health needs to be addressed as well. One way to inspire others is by sharing success stories, showcasing how small contributions can lead to significant change. By emphasizing the importance of individual efforts, people may be more inclined to get involved and make a difference.
Activity 15: Validating The Present Moment
There are some cases in which you or the person you are talking to might feel disconnected, distant or for you to have a conflict with that person. Note that this is a normal phase that sometimes happens and in this instances it is important for you and for the other person to keep communicating and to keep participating. How would you reflect on what the other person is telling you? Try to practice this in one of the next conversations you’ll have and write your answers in the worksheet. While you are listening, try to reflect on what they are saying.
Level 5 would be, “I think most people would have felt the same way you did.” Practice is the key to making validation a natural part of the way you communicate. Learning how to use validation effectively takes practice.
As an understanding skill, it demonstrates not only that you’re paying attention but that you see the logic behind someone’s thoughts, behaviour, or emotions. The term psychologists use to describe what you’re envisioning in this situation is validation. Validation communicates that one is mindful of, understands and empathises with another person’s experience, thereby accepting it as Is YourAgeMeets safe and legit valid. Or, as I like to put it, validation shows that ‘you’re there, you get it and you care’. I basically just had you imagine a scenario in which you felt validated by someone you care about.
You moved from the registration stage to the evaluation stage. Emotional validation largely comes down to how in touch a person is with their own emotions. People who’re in touch with their own emotions can better validate the emotions of others.
Guilting yourself into gratitude is not an honest behavior. Telling a child, for example, that they should stop thinking what they are thinking and be grateful only goes so far—comparing a child with others who live in poverty isn’t a winning strategy. There is a point where forcing gratitude becomes delegitimizing.
These issues can have an impact on daily life and relationships with others. Seeking help from professionals such as therapists or counselors can provide individuals with tools to address these challenges. Incorporating mindfulness practices and celebrating small achievements are effective ways for individuals to cultivate gratitude and self-worth, leading towards improved positive interactions on social media. However, building a supportive online community requires additional strategies beyond individual-level interventions. Therefore, the subsequent section will explore how individuals can build a supportive online community through intentional communication strategies.
For example, maybe our friend is telling us about her experience in the romantic relationship that she is in and some of the events may be difficult for us to understand. That’s okay, because it is a great opportunity for us to practice acceptance and nonjudgmental attitude. Remember that all of us are different and may differ in some of their experiences than us. A characteristic of social media is its reliance on instant or very quick feedback in the form of likes, shares, comments, views, follower counts, etc. Such responses provide users with immediate and measurable forms of social reach—instant gratification.
Empathy involves understanding and sharing someone else’s feelings, while vulnerability allows individuals to express their true selves without fear of judgment or rejection. The negative impact of social media validation on mental health is not limited to individuals but also affects their relationships with others. The constant comparison game often leads to envy and resentment between friends or acquaintances online. Additionally, the fear of missing out (FOMO) and the need for instant gratification via likes or followers can lead people into maintaining unhealthy or superficial connections online. Social media validation refers to the extent to which an individual’s self-worth is dependent on the feedback received from others on social media.
You can also try asking questions to encourage them to talk and open up more about their feelings. For instance, say something like, “Wow, that must have been really tough. ” As they’re speaking, do your best to empathize with them and acknowledge their emotions. Think about similar experiences you’ve had and how they made you feel. Instead, ask them if there’s any way you can help—whether it’s offering advice, brainstorming solutions, or just listening to them vent.
It’s often key to building intimate, trusting, and safe relationships. This array of benefits is why I call it a “superpower” when teaching it to my clients. Remember, also, that much social media content is curated, so that only the good stuff is posted.
- Telling a child, for example, that they should stop thinking what they are thinking and be grateful only goes so far—comparing a child with others who live in poverty isn’t a winning strategy.
- The mother who doles out tough love in knee-jerk fashion—oh, just shut up for goodness sake—may be invalidating the emotions of their child.
- You probably couldn’t use Level 6 or radical genuineness as it’s unlikely you have similar experiences that you could understand her feelings on a deep level, such as having had the same experience and reaction.
- For the person being validated it lessens the guilt and lets them know they have the right to feel the way they do.
Building A Supportive Online Community
As we close out 2010, we are likely to come in contact with many a friend or relative who we may not see on a day to day basis. Being there to listen and at same time being able to acknowledge that you hear what they are saying or helping to validate their emotions can prove to be very valuable to the person with whom you are speaking. To accomplish this only takes some patience and understanding on your part. Validation can de-escalate high emotions and help teams focus on problem solving. When people don’t feel heard or believe they are not being understood, they tend to escalate their message.
Now, think about the effect a positive evaluation would have when it’s used to cut short expression. They understand emotions have their own value, irrespective of how they arise. They understand emotions need to be explored, not dismissed. If you’ve never experienced anything close to what they have, they’ll think you’re lying or being insincerely polite. Interested in creating a healthier relationship with someone you love?
Meetings are most productive when people feel safe enough to speak openly and express their ideas. Validation contributes to a healthier team dynamic by fostering psychological safety, helping clarify concerns and perspectives faster, and can prevent high emotions from derailing the agenda. Building resilience and promoting positivity online can be achieved by engaging in meaningful activities, connecting with supportive communities, and sharing positive experiences. Evidence suggests that these practices can enhance self-worth and self-esteem. As we consider how to inspire and motivate others towards positive interactions online, it is important to continue exploring ways in which we can support social justice movements. Transitioning into the subsequent section about ‘cultivating gratitude and self-worth’, it is important for individuals to understand how social media validation impacts their perception of themselves.
Invalidation often triggers defensiveness, withdrawal, and self-doubt. Chronic invalidation contributes to difficulties regulating emotions, tolerating distress, and interacting effectively with others (Linehan, 1993; Krause, et al., 2003). Equalising isn’t more or less validating than Contextualising. It is particularly important when a person tends to doubt their own reactions to what they experience. Copying has you reflect or mirror another person’s words or behaviour. It simply needs to convey that you are paying attention and listening without judgment.
The above ARE NOT validating statements, they come across as, “I hear you, and let me tell you why you shouldn’t feel that way.” Step one, slow down. So many couples get stuck in what feels like Groundhog’s day, that same old argument and it can be about the same or different topics, the issue is the process, not the content. In other words, it is not about what you are disagreeing about, it is about how you communicate with one another.
For example, if someone has been led to believe that there is an imminent threat of an alien invasion, they would understandably feel anxious and fearful. Anxiety and fear are valid reactions to an impending danger. It also makes sense that this individual would vote for a politician who has a plan for dealing with the alien invasion. Their thoughts in this scenario are invalid as they’re based on misinformation, but their emotions and behaviour are reasonable given the misinformation they are operating on. Importantly, focusing on the valid parts of someone’s response will make you much more effective in challenging the invalid aspects of it.
Validating someone’s identity is acknowledging who they are. This is often based on what they project themselves to be. Humans are ultra-social species who crave validation from each other.
You could say, “Has something happened? My guess is you’re upset about something.” Then she might tell you that the cat she’s had for six months died yesterday. At that point you could use a Level 5 or 6, depending on how you feel about losing a pet. If you have been in a similar situation or you really understand how she felt, you can validate her by saying, “I completely understand. I would have done the same thing.” That would be Level 6.
Instead of trying to fix, override, or share your own story, pause and focus on making the other person feel heard. For example, if your partner is upset about something you did, you might immediately start defending yourself, explaining why they’re wrong to feel that way. Or, if a friend is grieving, you might spiral into sadness because their pain feels unbearable. While these responses are human, they don’t create the space needed for genuine empathy. “I’m guessing you must have felt pretty hurt by her comment” is Level Three validation.
Your experiences and biology influence your emotional reactions. If your best friend was bitten by a dog a few years ago, she is not likely to enjoy playing with your German Shepherd. Validation at this level would be saying, “Given what happened to you, I completely understand your not wanting to be around my dog.” Sometimes this type of validation helps someone sort through their thoughts and separate thoughts from emotions. “So basically I’m feeling pretty angry and hurt,” would be a self-reflection.
• “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated right now, and that makes sense given what you’re dealing with.” “Given your history of almost drowning, of course you panicked when you were pushed into water. Anyone with a history of drowning would probably react the same way.” Describe how the person’s emotion makes sense given the facts of the situation rather than the person’s thoughts or current vulnerability factors. “Of course you’re sad; you’re going through a breakup.” While Understanding is saying, “Of course, you specifically feel that way because of what you’ve been through,” acknowledging the valid is saying, “Of course, you feel that way because anyone would.” With this technique, you want to guess what you think the person may be feeling, even if they haven’t explicitly told you.
The unhealthy version, on the other hand, involves a willingness to sacrifice those things in an attempt to make the other person immediately feel good. When we stop seeing emotions as problems to fix or competitions to win, we can build bridges of understanding that strengthen our relationships. Validation is more than a skill; it’s a gift that transforms connections into extraordinary relationships. When someone feels honestly heard and understood, something remarkable happens—they become less upset and more open to input or feedback. Emotional walls begin to come down, making way for better communication, deeper connection, and problem-solving that feels collaborative instead of corrective. Nonverbal self-invalidation is working too much, shopping too much or otherwise not paying attention to your own feelings, thoughts, needs and wants.
As an empathy skill, Taking Action has you go above and beyond acknowledging (as with mindfulness skills) and thinking logically about someone’s experience (understanding skills). It’s the ‘put your money where your mouth is’ skill, and sometimes, it’s the only way to show that you’re there, you get it and you care. Certain parts of a person’s experience might be valid even when other parts are invalid.
If you have any behavioral health questions or concerns, please talk to your healthcare or mental health care provider. This article is supported by peer-reviewed research and information drawn from behavioral health societies and governmental agencies. However, it is not a substitute for professional behavioral health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Since understanding the power of validation, I’ve made a conscious effort to weave it into all my conversations. Whether with colleagues, friends, or family, I’ve seen firsthand how it transforms dialogue into connection.
Validation means that we are acknowledging another person’s emotions, thoughts, experiences, values, and beliefs. Validation isn’t about agreeing, placating, “fixing” the other person, trying to get someone to change, or repeating back what the other person has said. If you start with validation, you show you are listening and understand. As you build trust and connection, they will be more open to hear your perspective, inviting connection and growth.
